Hold the line.

 It's going to get tough out there. Temptations are going to come flying at you from places you never imagined. You will have thoughts you've never thought about things you never think about. You will be tested. You might even want to give in, but hold the line.

Motivation will wane. Willpower will fade, but your mind is the source of real power. Focus on resolve. Generate discipline. Become single minded in approaching your goals. Your station in life is the station you have chosen. If you want different, choose differently. Be conscientious and mindful of every thought and action. Be keenly aware of consequences. Wrestle with yourself. Subdue your flesh. Become the master of your own destiny. Do not allow for compromise. Make the decision. Hold the line.

Adjust your plans accordingly.

 When I was a kid, my dad told me, "Always have a plan, and always be ready to change your plan".

It's not always going to go the way you expected. Stuff comes up. Life happens. Sometimes you gotta stick and move, bob and weave. But if you keep your eyes on the prize and make the necessary adjustments, the doing part just works itself out. 

 Give what you got, take what you need.

If you're exhausted, rest. If you're hungry, eat. If you're restless, move. If you need solitude, find it. If you need company, enjoy it. Turn the TV off. Enjoy a book. Go outside. Call an old friend. Go for a drive. Put your feet in the sand. Put on music that stirs your soul. Find your center and pursue the things that are important. Identify the needle movers in your life and get after them. Focus, execute, celebrate.

Not everyday is going to be filled with mountain moving moments and that's OK. Some days it feels like you can conquer the world. Relish in it. No matter what kind of day you're having just remember that it's the sum of incremental advances that make for a successful journey. 

Progress, not perfection...

 I always thought that was just cliché way to excuse poor performance, but today I realized that when framed properly it is a very powerful tool. 

See, I'm really feeling all these years of neglect and abuse. I feel tired and weak. I could just tell myself that I am those things and that would be ample excuse to just not do anything. But instead, I got up early, turned on all the lights, unrolled my mat and did a workout. Did I give it 100%? No. But I did what was in my capacity to do, and that's something. I have been getting really frustrated with myself over the last couple of months. Monday rolls around and I start a workout routine and I'm faced with my limitation. These same workouts that I used to blast through were now presenting me with heretofore unrealized challenges. I didn't have the same 'stuff' that I had back when and it was discouraging. I got into some really weird headspace where I was becoming convinced that there was something permanently wrong with me. As if this newfound weakness and fatigue was my new normal. Maybe it was the result of a past medical intervention. Maybe it was something degenerative and I was stuck with it. Far be it from me to look in the mirror and recognize that it's because I've been sitting behind a desk all day for a year and a half, and spending the entirety of the rest of my time reclining on the couch, spacing out on YouTube. Maybe it's because I've been almost force-feeding myself every piece of comfort and junk food I could imagine as if it were the last thing I was going to eat ever. 

You just gotta get honest with yourself.

I weighed 155 right around the turn of the century. I steadily put on weight until I hit 220 in 2009. I pulled it back to 170 that year. I really don't remember how I got there but in 2018 I hit a record peak above 260. I managed to get that down to under 215. Now I 'm back to almost peak weight. I't not that I want to be an extra wide large body. It's just that it's just easier. What is it they say? Comfort killed the cat, or some such thing?  What ever it is, that's what it is. It's just easier to be fat. Well, for a while at least. Right up to the point where you can't tie your shoes without holding your breath. My shoes keep coming untied.

When your brain works the way mine does, it makes doing absolutely everything way more difficult than it needs to be. Doing the simplest things is an exercise in futility. And God forbid I can't do something to absolute perfection. Why bother at all? So I missed a work out or compromised on a meal? Well I guess that means I blew it all to hell and there's no point in continuing. Might as well just go all the way off the deep end until I can gather the headspace for another Monday. It's this unending cycle of frustration, disappointment, depression and self medication. I wish I could operate like "normal" people. I'm working on it. 

So for now, I'm doing everything I can to celebrate the small things. I got a work out in. I didn't eat take out junk food. OK, so maybe I gave in a little and snuck in an unauthorized snack. Big deal. It wasn't a Big Mac. Even as I'm sitting here typing this, as the aromas from the In N Out across the street are wafting through my office, and I'm thinking about nothing but hamburgers and burritos, I'm thinking about the last three days and just how much better it felt to have had a 25 minute workout and munched on some chicken and vegetables than to fell disgusted with my bloated self after a double western.

Tomorrow is 4th of July and we're hosting. People are bringing really super delicious food to share. And I'm gonna have some. And I'm not going to beat myself up about it and I'm not going to go off the rails because of it. I'm just going to keep doing one thing. and then another one thing until my days are filled with doing the things that are moving me closer to being whole. 

Nowhere to go from here but up.

 Coming to grips with reality can be a real kick in the chops. I have spent decades attempting to ignore the elephant in the room. To my credit, I've been rather successful at convincing myself that it's not there, but alas, at some point the big pile of elephant poop gets stacked so high you just can't ignore it. For a while at least, you can kind of get used to it, but once it gets right up to your nose it's like taking a whiff of smelling salts. All of a sudden every bit of self awareness comes springing to life in a whirligig of frenetic impulses. The mind races to gather its thoughts. There is a sudden calm in the midst of the chaos. Vision sharpens and focus intensifies. But what to do?

Something.

Do. Something.

So I did. I did something. I got up an hour early, worked out, read, prayed and meditated. Then I didn't eat any junk food. Then I went for a walk. That's what I did. It wasn't anything spectacular, but it was something. I didn't crush it, or kill it or smash it, I just did it. I did what I could. It wasn't a lot, but it was something. And then I got up today and did the same thing. Now granted, I did fell like I needed to lay back down for a little while meditating, so I did. No shame. Got up feeling refreshed and went to work and got on with my day. Haven't had any junk food all day. If I'm being honest, I still feel full from the food. I ate on Saturday and Sunday. I usually don't eat until later in the afternoon anyway and yesterday, even though I was still feeling full, I got a hunger sensation. I went and got some good food and ate it, but I was reminded that that hunger sensation was just my brain and body working on a schedule. I certainly did not need the food, but that unyielding urge to eat took over. Sure, it was healthy and nutritious, but I felt really crummy afterwards. But I was reminded of a very simple lesson about listening to my body. 

I've been kicking myself in the ass for quite some time now, but today, I'm patting myself on the back. I'm celebrating small victories. I'm building momentum. I'm not going to let small things completely derail me. I'm going to keep a positive attitude about all of this and try to keep my perspective framed appropriately for success. I've realize this isn't a race. There is no first to finish. The journey continues one step at a time. As long as I have another tomorrow, I have another opportunity. 

Can you hit rock bottom without hitting rock bottom?

 Or maybe another way to ask it is where is rock bottom? I've always felt like rock bottom is some kind of inconceivably far off place. Like it's a place for people of really poor character that do really dumb stuff and just can't stop doing them no matter what. You know, people with no self control. You see, I have always managed to manage my poor habits. Well, maybe a better way to say it is I've always been able to get away with my nonsense up until now. There haven't been any, what I would call 'rock bottom' consequences. 

I've spent my whole life speeding through life at a million miles an hour and I have never had a proper perspective of where I fit into my own life. I was so busy juggling all of the things that kept me busy that I never had the head space to recognize that I was doing all of it poorly. A bunch of the things I was caught up with have been stripped away, and to date, I have a whole lot more time to sit and look at my life and realize that I have pissed away a lot years. If I'm being dead honest with you, and with me, I should be so much further ahead in life. Not compared to what other people are doing or have accomplished, we're not playing the comparison game here. But when I consider what life should look like for me, I'm not there. I have very successfully avoided all of the signals and flares telling me that I'm slipping further and further from not just my potential, but from my responsibilities. I have self medicated with food and drink and social media to the point where I have been reduced to operating on pure gut instinct. Survival. Bare minimum. I can muster enough energy and concentration to get through my days and I can build up enough panic and dread and adrenaline to make stuff happen in a crisis situation, but I have nothing in the tank to move forward and start building the life I want.

Don't get me wrong. I have a terrific life. In fact, I have the life I never wanted, and I love every minute of it. I never had any intention of being married or having kids, let alone operating my dream business. Heck, I never imagined I'd live to see 30, and I was working diligently towards that end. Once 30 hit, my life took a dramatic turn for the better, and to this day, I don't know what to do with it. 

I have been blessed by the Almighty. My wife has been my graciously loving partner for almost 21 years. My children are incredibly bright and talented and they light up my life. Since opening my business almost 18 years ago, there has never been a day when I didn't want to come to work. I am able to live in a house that suits my family just fine, in a nice neighborhood. I can afford to send my kids to a good private school. I have support from all angles. And for me that is enough. I don't want for more. I am completely satisfied. I am thankful for what I have. Unfortunately, gratitude isn't enough. Thankfulness isn't keeping up with the cost of living in Los Angeles. And I know it. It's not knowing what to do about it that is killing me. Not knowing what to do creates such a sense of anxiety and despondency that I feel like I'm going to be crushed under the weight of it. But I have found that food and drink and media are very, very good at soothing that discomfort while distracting me from the realities that lie just beyond the threshold. But I know what's up. I know I can't outrun it and I have to do something about it. This cycle has been going on for almost 30 years. If I don't do something about it now, I fear it might be too late, and the thought of it terrifies me.

They say that your physical exterior is a direct reflection of your personal interior. They are both a disaster, and it's all self induced.

256.9 lbs, ~50% body fat, blood pressure off the chart. I'm fat, fatigued, tired and weak. I am weary and I don't think clearly. I'm preoccupied all day with the struggle between seeking medication, guilt about it and caving in to it. I walk around in a haze, distracted and looking for distractions, just trying to get to the couch and the remote control. Anything to block out the reality that looms. It is going to catch up with me one day.

I think this is rock bottom.

It's time to take action.  

Stay tuned.

Its always something...

 I started. I really did. And I did well. I was fully engaged, eating well, working out 5x/wk, dropping the pounds, gaining strength and mobility, feeling pretty darn good. Then, out of nowhere, my back just decided that I shouldn't be able to stand up on my own. I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary, I wasn't lifting heavy things, I was just going about my day like normal when I felt it. If you've ever had that feeling you know. In an instant you just know that things are not going to go well from this moment forward. And they didn't. By the following day I could have just as soon stayed in bed. It took me roughly 15 minutes to roll out of bed and stand up straight, but even then I could barely walk without seizing up. It was pretty ugly, but I still had to get to the office. so for I week I did what I had to do to keep life moving forward, but I was unable to do what I had said I would do and that was work out. So, I started comfort eating to deal with the disappointment and frustration, and after a few weeks now, I'm pretty much recovered, but I lost all the ground I gained in the weeks I stayed committed.

Ok, so what's new. For the first time in a long time I'm not going to beat myself up over it. Its the holidays, its cold, I had a ton of stuff going on and I was running at an 18 hour a day pace. I was exhausted mentally and physically. Had I tried to force myself to do more, I would have probably just blown it all to hell anyway and wound up even more bent out of shape. So here we are. The new year will be here in a few days and along with it an opportunity to do the thing that I'm really good at talking about, but not so much staying committed to. Honestly, If it were just me, I probably wouldn't even be giving it a second thought. I'm honestly quite content just doing like i always have, but its not fair to my wife, my kids, my business, my ministry and everything else that depends on me in some way. I know that I know that there is a different kind of life on the other side of my bad habits and poor decisions. So what to do??

Well, I did something and I really, truly believe the time is now to commit to doing something different and better for myself and my family. I signed up for the DDPY 2023 Positively Unstoppable Challenge. 6 months of documented transformation for a shot at $250k and a trip to Atlanta. I am confident that I have all the tools to win that sucker, I just need to convince myself that I can, I will, and that its worth every bit of effort even if I don't win.

So here's to a healthy, happy new year.
God Bless.

Nothing to see here.

I mean, honestly you've seen it all before. Day one after day one, year after year. I really don't have words for how poor I feel. And I'm not just talking about my body, which hurts and feels as bad as I ever have, but mentally I'm just defeated. It's nobody's fault but mine, which is why I'm so down in the dumps. I'm looking at the part of my environment that I have some say over and I'm just overwhelmed with this huge feeling of disappointment. Now don't get me wrong, It's not all bad. I have every thing I need in the world, but i'm just kind of scraping by in all areas of my life. And It's all on me. I have been living in a years long commitment to bad decisions at every moment of every day, and this cycle has perpetuated itself for years and years and I'm living with the consequences of that today. As a result, I'm in a state of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual disrepair. I know what has to be done to pull out of this downward spiral, but I just haven't. Call it self sabotage, call it depression, call it whatever you want, that still doesn't excuse me from shoving all kinds of garbage in my face and not getting off my fat ass and doing something good for myself. I have no energy or desire to do anything with anyone, ever. I dread the thought of having to go anywhere and be around people and having to drag my fat ass around and try to pretend that I'm not going absolutely mad from the pain I'm experiencing. And I have to live with the fact that I've done this to myself. And to make matters worse, I have to live with the fact that I 100% hold the key to my freedom, but I just haven't pulled the trigger. It's like looking at a leaking pipe under the sink as it floods the kitchen. You know all you have to do it tighten up the coupler, you know how to do it and you have the wrench, but its just too mentally and physically demanding to walk over and do it. I've read the books, I've watched the videos, I've talked to the therapists, I've listened to the pods casts, I've done everything I think I should be doing to try and motivate myself to do something about it, but to no avail. The pain and depression really have a grip on me like they did all those years ago. I know what I had to do back then, and its the same thing I need to do right this very minute, But i'm just not sure I can. Feeling pretty defeated.

I really do try to keep a positive spin on things. In reality I am an eternal optimist. I know there's hope, but I'm not so sure when or if I'll take control of my situation. I've said I'm going to do something about it every Monday for as long as I can remember, but all for naught. Being 100% aware of everything that is going on that has me in the state I'm in is absolute torture. Knowing that I have all the power and all the tools to reverse this thing is frustrating beyond measure. I could stand in front of any group of people at any time and tell them step by step what they need to do to regain health and strength and mobility, but I just won't apply those principles to my own life. It's such a vicious cycle of defeat and depression, and this is NOT who I am, but it's who I've become. There is an alternate version, a much better version inside of me that is just screaming to get out, but he's locked up behind really, really bad habits, and an unwillingness to change. I have lost and missed out on so much because I've chosen bad habits over wellbeing. I have dug myself such a hole, and created so much more work for myself than necessary, and I'm looking at it and I know that the solution is actually quite simple, but at this point, I'm in so much pain that it absolutely dominates my head space and I spend almost all of my time focused on the pain or trying to escape from it and nothing that I'm doing is working, In fact, its just making me worse. This sucks. I'll be 50 in 30 days. I'm 80 lbs overweight. I hurt.

 So here I am. Could be another day one, or it could just be another day. 

Its Getting Hard to Keep Track of All These Week Ones.

 Week 1 Check In.

Start Weight 232.1

Goal Weight 155

Week 1 Weigh In 221.7

Net Loss 10.5 Lbs

Workouts 03/29-04/05

M - Energy 2.0

T - Fat Burner 2.0

W - Energy 2.0

TH - Energy 2.0

F - Below The Belt

S - Fat Burner 2.0

Nutrition - Keto/IF Pretty proud of myself. Now granted, this isn't the first time I've l've done this. In fact, I've done this off and on since 2007, when I bought YRG as a print copy. Back in '09 After I bought the YRG DVDs, I dropped 50 Lbs in 5 months from 220 - 170, but not too long after I jumped off the deep end and went back to all my old habits. in 2018 I peaked at 270 Lbs. I dropped 50 and have been waffling back between 220 and 235 since then. Its crazy. I can do week 1 with my eyes closed. But its carrying it out past that where the problem lies. I usually find myself compromising a little here and there until the compromise overpowers the will to be and do better. No big deal, right? I got this. I can just start over again on Monday, or the Monday after that or....

Truthfully since '09 I never really wanted to do it, I just did it to keep my wife quiet. But she's not dumb and she knows what's up. She would call me out on the regular and I could only bluff her so much. And that went on and on and on for years. So here we are today.

I know how to get results. I also know me. I'm not really sure what exactly shifted to get my ass in gear, but i'm sure it will come to me in the weeks to come. In the mean time, I just gotta keep getting after it. One week down 26 to go. I've only ever really done 90 day challenges so for a guy who usually cant wait to go out and blow it all when the challenge ends, 6 months is a way off, But I'm encouraged by week 1 results. I put together a plan and I stuck with it. I feel better about myself, and for the first time in a LOOOOOONG time, I have a bright outlook for the future. I can already picture myself at 155 in size 32 pants and a medium shirt, which I haven't fit into since about the turn of the century. But don't think for a minute that I don't still have some of them old clothes sitting in wait for that day. Actually, I kept all my skinnier and fatter clothes because I knew one day I'd eventually get my crap together and I didn't want to have to buy transitional clothes that would soon enough be too big. Its easy when your wardrobe has consisted of t-shirts, dickies and plaid button downs for as long as I can remember. I remember what it felt like to do a closet raid and throw out all my 2XL stuff and 40-42" pants, and I'm looking forward to pitching my XL shirts and 38" pants within a month. Hot diggity this man is on fire! I haven't had any time to post my day 1 pics, but I will. I hate working from my phone so I need to get out in my home office and get everything straight. Anyhow Friends, Keep on Keepin' On!! Get Some!!

Positively Unthinkable 2021.

 New Year's Resolution in May? Why not? It's like breakfast for dinner. And who doesn't like pancakes before bed? I pulled a pretty typical me this year. Got off to a great start and then fizzled out before I got any real traction. I'm not going to lie and say that this year has been perfect so far, but still, no excuses for petering out so quickly. I think I just tried stacking too many things and just got overwhelmed. I got all heavy into goal setting and that turned into trying to stuff all kinds of stuff into those bags to make myself feel like I was actually working towards something. I way overcomplicated the whole deal and I fell apart. I really just kind of checked out. The time off has been good in a bad way. I was all gung-ho, then I got all defeated. I left all of my materials out in plain sight but was completely lacking motivation. Then my mother in law was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. This is taking a real toll on my beloved wifey, so I'm carrying a little heavier load while I'm trying to keep my house and family running. When I'm in a good groove and I've got good rhythm, I can go, go, go. But I've pretty much turned to food as a coping mechanism, and we all know how that goes.

January 2018 I had hit my peak weight of 270 Lbs. That's up 100 Lbs. from October 2009. I got down to about 220 in 2018 and have been waffling back and forth between 220 and 235 since then. So that's where I am today. 232 Lbs., stress eating, living off of sugar, refined carbs, caffeine, adrenaline and cortisol. 

This cancer diagnosis has the family all shook. Not to be the pot calling the kettle black, but their diet is not one that lends to health and longevity. They all know that despite my corpulent exterior, I know a thing a thing or two about nutrition, health, weight loss and well being. They've seen me drop 50 on multiple occasions, but I've always picked it back up plus more. So now I'm in charge of trying to educate everyone about the importance of Keto, intermittent fasting, whole food, raw plant based, alkaline and all that other good cancer beating stuff. So i'm up until 1AM or later on a nightly trying to keep things running, rolling out of bed just in time to get the kids to school, then off to work, then back to get the kids and take them home until their mom gets off, then back to work, then home. Then my wife takes off for the gym, then its feed the kids, get baths.... you get the picture. 

This is not working.

I don't know what it is about us as people that makes us do really stupid, self destructive stuff.  I'd really like to have a better understanding. I'd really like to know why I do really stupid, self destructive stuff, But I don't have time for study and therapy and introspection. I'm to busy plotting world domination for such trifle things. I have two choices. Take the journey of discovery and take the steps to reprogram my mind and then act in accordance with my newfound self image, or just charge it like a bull and do what I know works. At this point, all I need to do is lead. I cant lead if I'm falling behind in my personal life. I have a lot riding on this trip to the rodeo. My health, my marriage, my relationship with my boys, my business, my ministry to name a few.

Time to get working.

I know that DDPY is the one thing I can do consistently and effectively. It just flat works and I feel better for it. I've tried to get the ball rolling countless times over the last 11+ years. Go back and read it for yourself. I just could never find the motivation, inspiration or whatever people need to get some momentum. 

It's strange. There are times you just know that heaven is talking to you. This is one of those times. I was sitting in my truck waiting for a curbside order to be delivered, and i'm looking at a social media site and here's the DDPY Positively Unstoppable Challenge 2021. without even investigating, I kind of rolled my eyes in my mind, like yeah, right. But i paused and opened the promo cut and the long video and I remembered the first time I saw the Arthur video, and how it made me feel back then. And what an impact that feeling had on my life when I acted on it, and I remembered how my life changed because I acted with conviction and consistency. And I remembered that that guy is still inside of me just waiting to be let out. I just kept going back to the page all afternoon and then sitting at my in-laws place, I opened the sign up page a number of times while I fought with that voice in my head telling me that I don't have time, I don't have the energy, I don't have the will power and that I could never break up with Ben and Jerry. So I signed up. 

Its amazing how many thoughts you can have in a split second. What have I done? Did I just commit to something? No, I didn't. I just filled out some form on the internet. It doesn't mean anything. Wait, I did make a commitment. A commitment to my family, my business, my ministry, and everyone who depends on me, but most importantly to the one person I've been neglecting for all these years. Me. Then I spent a couple of hours muddling over whether to keep on trying to use the DVDs and my frustratingly difficult to use DVD player, or pay for a subscription to an app that has my DVDs on it or go all in and subscribe to the full blown deal. Next thing you know I'm signing up. What have I done? I can always decline after the free trial right? NO! You're going to pay and you're going to do this. You know what that means right? Now you have to order a bluetooth heart checker thingy. Go on. Commit sucker. COMMIT!!! So I did. Then like a message from above, my buddy made some hats that said Strive 4 Glory. I bought one. That's my mantra this go around.

SO i've been spending all my free time reviewing, watching and reading all the things that helped my be successful in the past, and it's crazy how the feelings that I had back then were welling up. I started feeling like I did when I was all hardcore about this stuff. I feel like I can do this. I will do this. Ican't wait to do this. Let's do this! 

So it's Friday. Day one is on Monday. 6 months. Goal weight 155 Lbs. Stay tuned.

Focus on the Victories

Every morning seems be some kind of challenge. I live in an 18 hour home. Getting to bed at night is often the biggest challenge of the day. So i'll usually go noo-noos around 12 or 12:30. Then my son usually wakes me up at either 3:00 or 5:00 for a bottle. Either way I always wake up in the chair with him at 7 with an aching neck. I put him down and grab a 30 minute snooze. Which I really shouldn't do, but whatever. So I get up with just enough time to get my workout in, get the kids ready and off work. Well, today my body decided to interrupt me right at about the 8 minute mark of my workout. I'll not get into details, but as I was sitting there, all I could think was "I should have just stayed up at 7". I tell myself that EVERY morning, and still haven't done it. My bad. So now I'm running out of time and I'm having a huge crisis. THEN when I get back to my mat, I hit the wrong button on the remote and stopped the dvd. Then I hit the wrong menu item and started the wrong workout. Then when I started the right one (Energy) I found out the my player does not have a real fast fast forward. So all of this is just eating time. I'm watching the clock and I can clearly see that i'm running out of time. Then my mind started getting all logical on me. "You're already running late, might as well just quit now and do it later." Its amazing how many thoughts you can have in just a few seconds, and how many times you can use the word then in consecutive sentences.

It was decision time. I have learned that if I give in to those kind of impulses, its starts a chain reaction which never winds up ending well. So I just doubled down and decided that there is something else I can sacrifice to get that 5 or 7 minutes accomplished on the floor of my living room.

For me, anyhow, when I'm able to make those kind of decisions, something switches on in me and I go into overdrive. I find myself pushing even harder to overcome the feelings of discouragement and defeat. So today I made up my mind that I was going to do ALL of the 3 count pushups. And you know what. I did! Monday I was struggling with doing 2 and today I did them all. I pushed my big, fat carcass off the mat with everything I had in me and when I stood up and my arms felt like jello and I was all lightheaded, I was as proud and victorious as I've been in a long, long time.

I'm working real hard to stay on track even if i'm not 100% on plan. I have something of an extremist mentality, that if I can't do something 100% I shouldn't do it at all. That developed at a time when I had far fewer responsibilities, obligations and distractions and I could be captain hardcore. Today I have to be more fluid and flexible. I can't compromise the mission, but I can recalibrate and make adjustments. Instead of focusing on what didn't go 100% right and getting all discouraged, I'll focus on what I accomplished and celebrate a series of victories.

Everyyyyyy Body Huuuuurrrts... Sometimes.

I'm not in the habit of quoting Michael Stipe, and yes, it's out of context, but its my article so I'll write it as I please, thank you very much.

But seriously though. I woke up today and I had the good ol' sore body syndrome. I was sitting there feeding my 5 month old son and my mind went to war with me. "You're sore, listen to your body, take a day off, recuperate and come back stronger." And for a brief moment, I almost bought into it. But then I started to think about our Military and what the guys go through in boot camp. They don't get a day off to recover and pamper themselves. They don't get a soft shoulder to cry on when their feet hurt and they can't lift their arms over their heads. NO, they work just as hard and even harder every day to become physically capable specimens of awesomeness. So, yeah. I'm not taking days off because I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable. I know that pushing through will give me not only great physical benefit, but also continue to develop the mental toughness required to power through all of the other things that come my way.

Now that's not to say that I don't occasionally take a day off. Sundays are probably one of the busiest days of my week and its the day I spend focusing on making sure i'm ready for the six days that follow. For me, it helps to take that day off (from exercise) to recalibrate and focus on the game plan for the next week. I do a little bio-feedback and evaluate where i'm at physically and adjust the challenge level to push my limits just a little bit more. Small gains add up to huge accomplishments.

The old saying "No pain, no gain" really is true. There is no growth without discomfort, or in my case no shrinkage of my freaking fat gut. Did I mention what a horrible fat ass I've become?

My weight has always fluctuated. I was a "husky" kid. Any idea how embarrassing it was to go shopping in the "husky" section at Sears? I wasn't a fat kid, but I wasn't real trim either. I hated stick and ball sports but I played on a few school teams. Then I got a killer bike and some freedom and the nI got a skateboard and it was ON! I put myself through SOOOO much pain trying to be a bad ass skater. I was always hurt: ankles, knees, wrists, cuts, scrapes, scabs and scars. I worked through the pain because it was important to me. Granted, at age 44 I'm paying the price to some degree, but looking back I remember that never say die attitude.

Once depression kicked in, and the hurt was more the kind that Michael Stipe caterwauls about, I lost the will to fight. It hurt too much. Drinking sure seemed to help so I did lots of it. I also developed a ton of other really, really bad habits, many of which I've been battling to this day. something shifted  and I was hopelessly lost. I had ballooned up and got all bloated and gross looking which didn't help  the way I felt about myself. And I hurt. Everybody hurts, right? That's what the song says. That's why bars are full at all hours of the day. That's why liquor is an unbeatable industry. That's why people eat themselves into morbid obesity trying to medicate the hurt and emptiness. Hyper-palletable foods are just as much a drug as anything being sold by your shady neighbor with a mullet down the street. Its like cocaine. Seriously. no wonder people are hooked. I was. I mean I was literally physically addicted to food items. I'm detoxing right now as I type this. But by the Grace of God, I'm on this side of it. I know, I know, isn't this like the 3rd (more like the 30th) time ''ve "seen the light"? Yes it is. But i'm not going to let my past dictate my future. I'm not going to allow a little discomfort derail me.

On that note, as far as this venture into the depths goes, I got in a little motorbike accident about 6 or 7 years ago. I landed on a brick planter with my arm which caused my elbow to break a few ribs and puncture a lung and at the same time my head hit the tree that was planted in said planter, highly aggravating an existing injury to my neck. At that point MY BODY HURT. I couldn't physically do the work. Every time I would get a routine going , my elbow or neck or wrist would flare up and it would HURT. I'm not talking muscle soreness or discomfort, but my body literally telling me "STOP STUPID!".  So I did. Discouraged, hurting, disappointed. But that crummy food sure made me feel better. And I've been eating lots and lots of it for years now.

At some point however, I just got (insert cliche phrase here) sick and tired of being sick and tired. Well, really I just got sick of being in pain which was the root of all of my other maladies. I wanted to eat right and exercise, but because of my faulty wiring I have an exceedingly difficult time doing one without the other. So I found some things that have really helped me along the way. For personal reasons I simply will not take pharmaceutical pain relievers or muscle relaxers or any of that kind of stuff. As a result, I've suffered. A new dietary experiment and some miraculous nutritional supplements have really helped with the physical pain, anxiety, and depression. It was the break in the clouds I needed. When I stared doing DDPY again about a month ago as part of a half hearted effort to make my wife think I was getting serious about my health, I realized that much of the pain and discomfort had healed enough that I could get through my workouts and not feel damaged afterwards. What a moment!

So here we are. Day 4. My body is aching but my spirit is filled with a sense of conquest and domination. But mostly I want my wife to think I'm smoking hot and want to get in my pants.

I HATE DAY 3!!!

Yeah, I've done this enough times to know that I hate day 3. Day 1 and 2 my body is just kinda confused. It's all like "Hey, what's going here. Something aint right". But by day 3, my body is in full revolt. "WHERE IS MY COFFEE???" "GIVE ME CREAM AND SUGAR!!!" "CHEESE AND BREAD!!!" Then it decides to get back at me by giving me a headache for about 72 hours. It sucks. Really. If you've never been hooked into cigarettes or drugs or whatever, you get a small taste of what your body goes thru when you kick. Why? Because its a similar type of detox. I've got many of the symptoms. Lethargy, irritability, irregular feelings in my guts, and a constant sense of hunger, but I'm not hungry.

Usually when I get back on the wagon I engage in some good old fasting. I didn't start doing it on purpose, I just got so used to not eating breakfast that it didn't occur to me that I should eat something before I left the house. I usually go from dinner around 9 to the next day at around 1-ish. I can't tell if I'm hungry or adjusting or what so I just kind of ignore it and power through. It helps that i'm super busy in the first part of the day so I really don't wanna stop and eat anyway. I've also found that for the first week any way, the long fast helps me stay clear headed.

My wife is dying right now. Not literally, of course, but her challenge thing has her all jacked up too. She's a caffeine junkie of the highest order so she's a wreck right about now. Misery loves company, you know.

I've learned over time to just listen to my body. Exercise first thing in the morning, eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired. Its a pretty simple formula. So i'll just keep responding to what my body is telling me and I'll start feeling much, much better every day.  

I know its only temporary so that makes it a little easier, and there is something kind of noble about sacrificing for your cause. Maybe not, but it makes me feel better about myself as I curse my own body for doing this to me. I guess payback is just deserts. I've been terribly unkind to my body for many, many years, so if I gotta eat a little crap to achieve greatness and immortality then so be it.

Lets see how many times I can do this.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I know. Mr. Inconsistency. What can I say? I'm a flawed human being who has not yet developed the skill set to overcome some of my failings. But I'm working on it.

So here it is, October, 2017. 2 kids later, and I am FREAKING HUGE! Are you sensing a pattern here?

I hit my peak at 270lbs back in February. I got on the ball and lost 30 lbs, but once my youngest was born, all bets were off. Something in my mentality shifted. I'll save all the gory details, but suffice it to say that I found myself in a very unproductive place. I put back on 20 lbs, so as of yesterday morning I weighed in at 258 lbs, but what the heck, lets just call it 260. I'd say 100 lbs is a nice round weight loss goal, so 100 lbs it is. I really like myself at about 160. Now i'm not sure if like John Travolta my head has put on a few pounds or not, but I'm pretty sure I can still fit nicely into a 160 lb skin bag.

My wife put on a decent amount of weight between the two kids and surgeries and business of life and all that. She always managed to stay pretty slim over the last 13 years, but by her own admission sh had gotten pretty large for her standards. She naturally eats pretty good and doesn't have the same wants for sugar and fat and flour and.... So she started eating better, and she joined this 28 day boot camp at the gym her friend goes to. Well not to be out done, I went out and joined that pizza planet gym just to make it look like i was doing something too. I wasn't all in, but hey, 30 minutes on the treadmill 3 times a week at 10:00 PM is better than nothing right? I mean no better way to burn off that Big Mac I had for lunch.

Well then she went and upped the ante on me. She joined in on this 6 week challenge they have at the gym. something like 20 lbs guaranteed if you follow the plan to the letter. Now, she has been coming home every night all beat up from her boot camp, so I knew what she was up against. I know how these trainers think you have to kill yourself for results. So I told her I would do my own challenge along side of her to show her just how simple it is with DDPYoga. NO burpees for me. Pass the bacon. Thanks.

Before my youngest son was born, I lost the 30 lbs based solely on what I put into my mouth. Now I'm curious to see how my new eating plan mixed with with DDPY will turn out. I'm expecting big things.

So yesterday was day 1. I crushed it. I'm off to a good start today. Honestly I want to not exercise, and i want to poison my body with horrible things that look like food, But more than that I wanna run with my kids, get back on my skateboard, swim in the ocean, and walk around with no shirt and show off all the tattoos I'm gonna get to make me look more edgy and tough.

Its funny how simple this stuff is. I mean really, I've been doing this on and off for so long its like putting on your favorite pair of (fill in the blank). It takes no thought to put my food together, the exercise portion is as difficult as pushing play on the DVD player. But we make it so tough because we are lazy, selfish, and short-sighted. Yes, Ben and Jerry's is the most delicious thing on the planet, and I can eat it by the quart, but nothing tastes as good as being fit feels.

I'm going to be hot again. 45 years old and smoking hot. Salt and pepper gray, tailored suit, chiseled features hot. Watch out world, I'm coming at you.

Cheat Day? No Thanks.

I Dunno. I don't get it; this whole 'cheat day' thing. There's plenty of opinion about it but the only one that really matters to me is mine so...

So you're this horribly overweight slob (okay, maybe its JUST me) who, by every fault of your own got that way because of a lifestyle filled with compromise and convenience, and you've decided that you're going to get healthy, and fit, and lean and all that jazz. You're gonna hit it hard and change the very fabric of the universe with your dedication and enthusiasm. Well, for 6 days a week any way.

I don't get it. Be all you can be for 6 days and then compromise for a day just to help you remember that you are still allowed to 'treat' yourself?  What's that all about. its like telling an alcoholic that you can drink on sunday because you've been good all week. it makes no sense.

Think about it. You bust your hump all week to gain a bunch of ground, then you sabotage your journey, making it more difficult to reach your goals.

lets do the math (these numbers are STRICTLY for illustration sake, your mileage may vary):
you're on an 1800 calorie diet and you're losing about 2 lbs per week. that's awesome. Then on Saturday you go out and have strawberry waffles with whipped cream and syrup, for lunch you have a bacon cheese burger and fries with a soda and for dinner pizza, wings and a couple of beers. now lets just say that you pulled in about 4000 calories in all that, and most of them junk calories. now you have a 2200 calorie deficit to overcome. if you were burning 6000 calories a week to lose those 2 lbs now you have to burn the first additional before you can even start where you left off, which by the way is about 2 days worth of work. Why? so you could treat yourself? so you could stay in bondage to your habits and cravings? I thought the point was to break free so when you hit your goals you would have a completely new lifestyle instead of having a bunch of old habits to fall back into. its like quitting drinking and hanging out at the bar with a bunch of your old drinking buddies. it doesn't work. Every cookie, soda, potato chip, and candy bar is nothing more that an obstacle.

maybe its just me.

Week one is in the bag!!!

Yep. I did it! I ate clean for 7 days and exercised 5.

You know what else? I lost 10 Lbs.

Yep. 10 Lbs. I am 10% closer to my goal. In one week. Pretty awesome.

My nutrition consisted mainly of bananas, vegetable omelets, gluten free cereal, almond milk, chicken salads, grilled chicken breast, avocado and steamed vegetables. Its real easy because I eat what I like and I like what I eat.

For exercise I did DDPYOGA ENERGY! routine which is just a touch over 20 minutes per session. Although I never actually broke a legitimate sweat, my heart was pounding, lungs heaving and muscles burning as i tried to balance myself in Superstar Pose.

After just one week without gluten, sugar and dairy I feel like a new man. my energy levels are way up, I'm more alert and I feel a lot sharper than i was. I'm moving around way better and I'm just overall excited to make this thing happen.

stay tuned!

Lets make it an even 100.

Yeah.

So today is another day 1, and as part of the day one ritual I get to load my fat ass onto the scale and play the ol' read 'em and weep game.

255.

yep. that's right. two hundred fifty five pounds.

I mean, I'm not surprised, but damn.

So now what. Well here's what.

At 250 I was planning on dropping 90 to hit a target of 160, BUT now at 255, i'm gonna shoot for an even 100 and get back to the weight I was at when I was in the best shape of my life... 15 years ago.

Normally I'm pretty comfortable at about 170 but only because its real easy to maintain with my 24/7/365 lifestyle. Now with this latest revelation, I'm gonna just freaking go for it and make it an even hundo.

100 Lbs by Nov 9, 2015.

That's 36 weeks. Which means I have to be dedicated to an average loss of about 2.8 Lbs/wk. totally doable.

Let's make it an even 100.

I'm to young to be this old.

Ugh.

That's really all i have to say about that.


90 Lbs overweight, short of breath, day snoring, stiff, achy and an otherwise pathetic, miserable shadow of the man I once was.

Now don't get me wrong. The components of my life are pretty awesome. I have a wonderful wife, a beautiful son, a fantastic family, business is moving right along and there are really no big negatives that many other people have on their plates, and who by the way are not doing to themselves what I am.

I could sit here and blame my condition on certain things and most people would probably sympathize, but in reality, I really just kinda threw in the towel concerning my physical well being. No excuses, I just quit striving or fighting or whatever you wanna call it. I just quit. And now I'm fat. Not just a little fat either. I'm carrying around and additional 65% of what i should weight. That's more than half of a whole other me!

The most frustrating part of the whole thing is that the power to be something other than what I have become has always been in my hands. I know what to do and I simply don't. I consciously make bad decisions when there are viably better options available. I am so not happy with myself so I keep self medicating with fat and sugar and cheese and carbohydrates. Its like some sort of long, drawn out,  passive-aggressive suicide. I'm missing out on the life that I'm smack dab in the middle of. Its literally passing me by, and if I don't do something about it on the quick, I'm going to miss it.

So, yeah.

I'm waiting on a package. It should be here in a couple of days. I should be back on the mat in a week. 8 months? Let's see how this goes.

Week 6 Results. Steady as She Goes.

Week 6 Day 1

Weight: 200 lbs

Week 7 Day 1

Weight: 197 lbs

Net weight loss 3 lbs

Total Weight Loss

24 lbs

Workouts:

Below the Belt MWF

Fat Burner TTH

Red Hot Core T

Had a pretty rough week. The weekend before was super busy and i had no time to make it to the grocery store. luckily i stocked up the week before so i was good on the basics. I had something going EVERY night after work so alot of my routine went right out the window. I ate almost every lunch and dinner out. Kept it cool by keeping Pollo Loco an Chicken Dijon in business. Had to fall back on nutrition bars a little more than i would have liked to, but it beats the alternatives.

Haven't slowed down one bit. Hope to hit my exercise routine a little more solid this week and get in all of the RHC core workouts that i scheduled.

Obsessed

If you haven't caught it yet, there's this new reality series on called "Obsessed". In a nutshell, it follows people who deal with rather severe cases of OCD.

Now, let's be honest here. most of us don't watch shows like this because we are that terribly interested in OCD. We watch them for two reasons, 1: the freak show, 2: It makes us feel better about ourselves... I may be screwed up, but I'm not as bad as THAT guy... Its tough to admit, but you know I'm right.

Well the other day there was this guy whose compulsion had to do with his health... he'd workout 8 times a day and take al these pills and crazy regulated diet, all in the name of health. It got me thinking.

I'm a self admitted extremist. I have a hard time doing something if I can't do it 110%. same goes for YRG. In the past I'd fall into the trap of telling myself that if I cant do it 100% 'by the book', I might as well not do it. So consequentially when I would get into panic situations like not having the exact right food or not being able to workout at the exact scheduled time, I would have some kind of anxiety attack and throw it all out the window. As a result i never had more than about a week in before the seams started to come apart. 

So what am I trying to say? You can't live in the real world without being reasonable and flexible. I live a life on the go. I'm pretty much a 7 am to 11 pm type guy. Nonstop. I'm constantly on the run and rarely have time to stop and breathe. Add to that the fact that my wife, family and friends all love to be out all the time. Movies, dinner, Disneyland, you name it, I wind up out in the real world. And i would start to panic. What if there's nothing clean to eat? I would get all phobic about preservatives and hidden fat and sugar and gluten, and I would get all panicked that everything i had achieved up to this point would all be ruined if  I unwittingly ingested some foreign no-no food.

I mean after all, i made a DECISION and a COMMITMENT to eat clean with NO cheats for 3 months with a six month option depending on how I'm feeling. I mean what happens if I wind up in a situation where I have to eat and it falls just outside the lines of eating perfectly clean? Have I just blown it? Am I a FAILURE!?!?! Can i ever recover from the deviation, or am I forever lost to a life of caving in? 

The answer, of course, is no.

Let's face it. If you can't learn to live in the real world, this is going to be such a struggle that you will either give up or go nuts. I have learned to adapt.

The first thing I had to do was get ahold of my mind. Yes, this is extremely important. It is so important that i am willing to do what it takes to make sure I don't fail. I had to settle it in my mind that I will do my 110% best to the best of my ability when I can and do the best I can when I cant. I had to realize that a few extra fat grams here or there aren't going to KILL me. I had to settle it in my mind that eating at odd intervals or in odd combinations is not going to destroy my progress. I had to reassure myself that I'm going to do just fine.

The second thing I had to do was Arm Myself for success. I make sure that i keep a bag of trail mix or mixed nuts, a piece of fruit and some sort of nutrition bar with me at all times. I had to combine my new mental stability with good decision making. No matter where you go nowadays, there is some sort of 'healthy alternative'. I also try to pick places where I already KNOW i can find something suitable. Chicken salads are great. Salsa is a great substitute for fat loaded dressings. Sometimes I have to pass on a burger and munch on some carrots. people look at me like I'm crazy, but what they're really saying is "there's no way i could commit like THAT guy". 

When you combine sense and discipline, you get results. I have managed to stick to my guns for 5 full weeks. None of my fears were realized. I have not slowed down one bit. I have not been poisoned by some renegade preservative, and I'm living in the real world. Successfully. 

I have averted both obsession and breakdown by taking a balanced, realistic approach to YRG. My YRG reality is defined by me. I am getting everything out of it that i put into it, and i'm inspired to do more and more and better and better.

Week 5 Results... Milestones

Week 5 Day 1

Weight 204 Lbs

Week 6 Day 1

Weight 200 Lbs

Net Weight Loss 4 Lbs

Total Weight Loss Weeks 1-5 21 Lbs

Reached a few milestones this week. Dropped the first 20 and i hit 200 lbs. I'm a legit 36 inch waist and i'm still going strong. No cheats, no failures. 160 here i come, and ahead of schedule!