Coming to grips with reality can be a real kick in the chops. I have spent decades attempting to ignore the elephant in the room. To my credit, I've been rather successful at convincing myself that it's not there, but alas, at some point the big pile of elephant poop gets stacked so high you just can't ignore it. For a while at least, you can kind of get used to it, but once it gets right up to your nose it's like taking a whiff of smelling salts. All of a sudden every bit of self awareness comes springing to life in a whirligig of frenetic impulses. The mind races to gather its thoughts. There is a sudden calm in the midst of the chaos. Vision sharpens and focus intensifies. But what to do?
Something.
Do. Something.
So I did. I did something. I got up an hour early, worked out, read, prayed and meditated. Then I didn't eat any junk food. Then I went for a walk. That's what I did. It wasn't anything spectacular, but it was something. I didn't crush it, or kill it or smash it, I just did it. I did what I could. It wasn't a lot, but it was something. And then I got up today and did the same thing. Now granted, I did fell like I needed to lay back down for a little while meditating, so I did. No shame. Got up feeling refreshed and went to work and got on with my day. Haven't had any junk food all day. If I'm being honest, I still feel full from the food. I ate on Saturday and Sunday. I usually don't eat until later in the afternoon anyway and yesterday, even though I was still feeling full, I got a hunger sensation. I went and got some good food and ate it, but I was reminded that that hunger sensation was just my brain and body working on a schedule. I certainly did not need the food, but that unyielding urge to eat took over. Sure, it was healthy and nutritious, but I felt really crummy afterwards. But I was reminded of a very simple lesson about listening to my body.
I've been kicking myself in the ass for quite some time now, but today, I'm patting myself on the back. I'm celebrating small victories. I'm building momentum. I'm not going to let small things completely derail me. I'm going to keep a positive attitude about all of this and try to keep my perspective framed appropriately for success. I've realize this isn't a race. There is no first to finish. The journey continues one step at a time. As long as I have another tomorrow, I have another opportunity.
